This morning my oldest began his first day of fifth grade. His last year of elementary school. It was a bittersweet morning for a mama caught between the fascination of watching a young man emerge and yet fumbling for a pause button on the calendar. All hugs, goodbyes, and "I love you's" were made at home, a safe distance from the school parking lot. Funny how time changes things. Not funny at how quickly time passes.
Watching him walk away brought back memories of those first school days, now five years in the distance. Thought I'd share an article I wrote back then...back when a little five year old began his first day of school.
"I will never leave you." We rehearsed that verse in full preparation for kindergarten which would begin the next day. We used our fingers and filled in our names when we reached our thumbs as we pointed to ourselves, "Jesus will never leave Camden." I comforted and reassured as best as any Mommy would. With smiles on our faces and butterflies in our tummies, we were ready for the big day. Then the big day arrived and the butterflies churned rather than fluttered and the cheerful eyes filled with tears. I managed to hold back my tears until I reached the car. But then I let them flow in full empathy for my little guy who needed me at the time.
At times I have experienced those feelings that my kindergartner was dealing with during those early days of big school...overwhelmed by a new phase of life, isolated though surrounded by others, and fearful of the future....grieving for the way life used to be.
I began my life in church in my mom's belly as she sat on the church piano bench every Sunday and played the hymns. I accepted Jesus as my Savior in my kindergarten class at the Christian school I attended. He's just always been there. I've never doubted that. Time and again, I've stated that through it all, God is still good and gracious. But during life's darkness, He sometimes feels worlds away.
And yet, though my feelings have at times disagreed, my heart knows that He's never been so close...holding me closely, catching my tears, and healing my heart...taking my hands to His Word to find Scriptures which remind me "I will never leave you, Denise." What a faithful Father He is.
Meanwhile, this flawed, but ever-loving Mother may be seen making another lap by the school just to feel a bit closer to a special little guy. I've only done this once, okay twice.