My boys’ bedroom floor became my altar in the months following Kelsey’s death. There, among the scattered Legos and army men, I bent my knees and begged for the Lord to come near. Nothing sacred about the place, only the convenience of the Ipod with speakers. I suppose moving it to another location would have taken too much time and effort. It was precious time…anytime I found myself alone in the house, I would steal away for some moments alone with the music and my God who felt so far away. But it was there, as I listened and wept and poured my soul on the carpet, that I knew He had not left me. The songs became my prayers; the ones I composed on my own consisted of two words: “Help me.” Expressions and praises that my own heart could not form came through the music. Scriptures, that I hadn’t the strength to read, came alive with an accompaniment of the piano and violin. A meager offering on my part met by abundant mercy on His.
I’ve written with the expectation of telling Kelsey’s story. It seems that in doing so, I’ve discovered much of mine. Perhaps that is because the short time I carried her changed my life. Her earthly body was oh, so tiny, but her impact on my heart is enormous. I’m thankful that the Maker of the Universe created her life and handed me the privilege of being her mommy.
As believers, we spend a bulk of our parenthood introducing our children to and teaching them about Jesus. “Who made you?” we ask. “God loves you,” we remind. We hold their hands and lead them to Sunday School in hopes they will hide His Word in their hearts. What an honor it will be one day to take my daughter’s hand as she leads me to the feet of Jesus.
I conclude with a list of songs and Scriptures that have accompanied me on this journey of grief. God bless!
”Perfect Peace” by Laura Story
“Send Me a Rainbow” by Laura Story
“I Will Carry You” by Selah
“Unredeemed” by Selah
“Small Enough” by Nichole Nordeman
“Every Season” by Nichole Nordeman
“Held” by Natalie Grant
“Another Time, Another Place” by Sandi Patty and Larnelle Harris
“Yours” by Steven Curtis Chapman
“Beauty Will Rise” (The Album) by Steven Curtis Chapman
“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
“But now, this is what the Lord says--He who created you, O Jacob, He who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.’”
Isaiah 43: 1-3
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27: 13-14
Thank you for reading. My prayer is that all who hear the story of Kelsey Wynn will know and experience the love and the hope and healing of my Lord Jesus Christ.
*This post is part of the series, "Kelsey's Story." The series begins with the post titled, "Marge." Thanks for reading.
Denise, I have just finished reading all of Kelsey's story, not without tears. Oh, how precious you are, for sharing your thoughts so beautifully in hopes of helping others!!! I read some of your previous ones to Glenn, too. We agree you should write a devotional. God has truly given you a gift!!!
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